Beyond Profiles: The Art and Science of Successful Dating Chat Rooms

     If you roll back fifty years the dating game would look almost unrecognisable compared to today. Back then your options were, in many ways, pretty limited as you would have been restricted to meeting people in your local area, walking to the phone box (unless you were lucky enough to have a phone), and possibly writing letters. Nowadays the dating scene could not look more different. The introduction of the internet, computers, and smartphones means that dating cannot be easier and we are less restricted by distance. It could also be said that our lives in general are very different. People are more driven by their careers and have less time to search for love or need to be able to carry out this search on the go. Dating chat rooms make it possible for anyone to create a connection with someone that can develop into romantic feelings. 

Now, while it is unlikely we are sure that some of you out there are unsure as to what a chat room is. In simple terms, a chat room works like a messaging system. You have probably heard of, and used, WhatsApp or Facebook Messenger. Chat rooms work in the same way. Think of it as a conversation with a keyboard. You type your message to your online friend, and they see it and respond. Now, you must remember that you will only engage in conversations when both of you are accessing the room at the same time. However, if you write a message when the other person is offline they will see it as soon as they log on. 

Our users who enter into dating chat rooms are not just looking for a friendship. They are hoping to establish a romantic connection and are hoping the person they are talking to is looking for the same.  You want to make sure that you do your best to establish such a connection and so we have some tips and advice we feel you should follow!

The All-Important First Message

     When approaching someone in the real world all you can think about is what you should say to make a good impression. This is extremely hard to do with no information about the other person. You do not want to sound boring or creepy. The same can be said about online chat rooms. You do have their profile information to help you (we’ll touch on this more later) as well as their profile picture(s). Remember, the first message could quite possibly be the most important one as what you say could cause them to block and disconnect or embark on a conversation. Here are some ideas for possible first messages!

  • Every day can be okay. You can start your message as you would any other conversation with a simple “Hello, how are you?”. While this takes the pressure away from the other person it can be seen as boring or lacking creativity. Think carefully about using everyday greetings and possibly save them for when you have an established connection
  • Be specific. This can be a wonderful opener as long as it is not too invasive. Use their profile information to help you. If you open with “I notice in your profile that…” or “I can tell from your picture that…” it will show the other person that you have taken the time to read their profile and have shown a genuine, informed interest in them. 
  • Would you rather? Questions - these can be excellent opening messages, especially in our dating chat rooms as they provoke thought and can be very funny. “Would you rather be invisible or telepathic?”, “would you rather go to a romantic restaurant or a walk along the beach for a first date?”, “would you rather have toes as fingers or fingers as toes?”. So, the last was just for fun but would still get a response. These are great openers as they give the other person a choice while also providing them with the opportunity to ask the same question back. 
  • Open-ended questioning. These are also excellent ways of starting a conversation while getting a good idea of what the other person is like. You can be as broad as asking “How is your life going right now?”. The other person can give as little or as much information as they wish with no pressure. The hope would be that they respond in a similar fashion and so start a conversation. However, if you notice that they only talk about themselves this is a red flag. Open-ended questioning should create a free-flowing conversation, not a one-person show. 
  • Deep questioning. It is important to air on the side of caution with this one as some people will not want to feel pressured into giving too much information too soon. You can ask “What would you say is your biggest success in life so far?” or “What would be your perfect wedding day?”. The answer you get could be a complete shutdown or very honest. They may say that this is too much to ask so soon (respect this answer!!). Either way, you should get a response and an idea of what your potential romantic interest is like. 

These pointers are just a couple of ideas. You can use your romantic interest photo to inspire you. You can make your first comment or question a general one, such as “What book should I read next?” which will make the other person feel at ease. Either way, you want a positive response! Give your first message some thought and remember these tips:

  • Respect is number 1. You know the saying, treat others as you want to be treated. The same goes for our online chat rooms. Make sure you listen, are polite, and respond appropriately to all messages. 
  • Don’t be rude. We all like a good joke. However, if you are trying to find romance you need to strongly consider which jokes to make. You also need to make sure your photos are clean. You will earn the respect of the other person if you refrain from rude jokes and comments.
  • Keep it relevant and interesting. If your online date gets bored they will likely disconnect and look elsewhere. Make sure to ask insightful, open questions and always listen (well, read) carefully. Make sure to show you have listened by making relevant comments and asking relevant questions. Stay away from discussing the past too much. 

These tips are for all messages you may send. Follow our guidelines carefully to avoid losing your online date. 

Appropriate Photos for Our Dating Chat Rooms

Your profile photo, and any other photos attached to your profile, will be the first thing your prospective online date will see. You need to make sure they like what they see and are not put off by what they see. We are not only focussing on looks here but more on how your photo presents itself. Here are some tips and which photos to use and which to avoid.

The Do's and Don'ts for the Perfect Profile Picture

Do's Don'ts
⏩ Make sure your photos are clear and as high a quality as possible. We also suggest making sure at least one of your photos is a full portrait of you, smiling. This shows you have nothing to hide. It is also vitally important to ensure your photo is as recent as possible. Old photos suggest you are hiding something. Selfies are definitely something to be careful of. There is such a thing as a wrong selfie, especially if you are trying to attract a date. If your selfie portrays you as drunk, showing off or doing something illegal you will probably put a prospective date off from talking with you. If you do post a selfie it needs to be respectful and demonstrate a positive character.
⏩ A photo of you doing something you enjoy will invoke questions and comments from your online date. If you enjoy hiking, visiting art museums or cooking then show this in your photos. If your online date enjoys the same thing they will likely ask you questions about these photos or comment on them. These photos will give an insight into what you are like as a person and, hopefully, attract the other person to you. You do not want to appear superficial or materialistic. Photos of you standing next to an incredible sports car, holding big stacks of money or surrounded by expensive things only put people off or attract materialistic people that are only interested in your wealth. If you are wealthy, good for you, then be humble. You do not need to let them know immediately. They should get to know you and like you for you, not your money. People who are not impressed by wealth will be put off and those only interested in wealth will want to use you!
⏩ Demonstrate your lifestyle. If you are active, show this but we do not mean a photo of you semi-naked, flexing your muscles. A photo of you playing your favourite sport will attract fellow enthusiasts. If you are a homely sort of person who enjoys arts and crafts then post a photo of this. No hiding! This means you should not post pictures of yourself squatting or kneeling down. Show your whole self. You should also make sure to show actual pictures of yourself, not just of your dog or car. It is also vital that you use uptodate, relevant photos….no photos from 15 years ago!
⏩ Family and friends pictures are always a winner. Not only do these photos give your profile credibility but they also give an insight into your life, character and principles. They also show that you are looking for more than just a ‘good time’ and that you are looking for something more serious in the future. You do not want to post photos of yourself naked or semi-naked. You may have a fantastic body but that does not mean that your online date needs to see it, at least not straight away! You could be seen as self-obsessed or only attract someone who is interested in your body/ looks rather than who you are as a person. Wear appropriate clothing at all times in your photos!

Question for a Dating Chat Room - To Ask or Not to Ask!

     Knowing what to ask someone is just as important as what to say the first time you meet. You will have established a connection and want to keep it going. On average an adult asks somewhere between 25 and 30 questions a day. If this is the case we want to make sure that the questions we ask are relevant and important. This section addresses good questions to ask and those to avoid in our dating chat rooms. 

  • Once you have established a connection it is okay to ask a simple “how are you?” or “What have you been up to today?” as this is general conversation and also shows you care about them. However, be careful with this one. If you rely on it too much your date will become easily bored and see this repeated question as lacking creativity.
  • Ask about their interests as this will give you an insight into any future, real-life plans you could make. This does not mean you should make promises you may not be able to keep but you can find out what they enjoy such as types of food, films or shows, etc. When you then start to make future plans you can use this information to impress your date further.
  • Ask about their family and friends. Your online date will show that you are interested in who they are and who the important people in their lives are. This interest will also help in the future as you will both have some knowledge of the other people in your date life. This in turn will make meeting any of these people a bit easier! Just make sure you do not ask questions that are too personal. 
  • Asking about their job will also show your interest in their life. We do not mean you should ask how much they earn but ask how their day went, what their job entails, and how they got into this line of work. You and your date may find common ground here or learn something new, either way, it is a good way to keep a conversation going!
  • Tell me one thing that made you smile today, what is one thing I could do to make your day better? Questions like these are lovely as they can be thought-provoking and can be returned, thus keeping a conversation flowing. Make sure to respect their answers!

Sometimes it is important to remember what not to ask as well! Here are a few things to avoid if you want to keep your online date going!

  • X - Intrusive questioning - You will want to find out more about your online date, that is only natural, but you want to make sure the conversations are not like interviews. Intrusive questions are those that dig a little too deep into someone's life. A good example of this is asking your online date how much money they earn a month or why they are still single. This sort of question does not demonstrate genuine interest, rather it suggests you are too interested in their financial situation or past. Asking about having children, finances or past relationships should only occur later in the relationship when a foundation of trust has been established.
  • X - Sex - this is a definite no-go, especially in our dating chat rooms. You cannot ask about sexual preferences or about past sexual encounters. This will almost certainly cause your prospective date to disconnect and fast. Conversations of this nature should, like the previous note, only take place when a foundation of trust has been built. If you want your online date to respect you then you need to avoid sex-related questions at all costs.
  • X - Boring questions - now, there may be some questions you do not consider boring but your date might. Asking lots of questions such as “What was the weather like today?” or “What did you eat for lunch?” will certainly put your date off talking with you. You do not want them to lose interest so be creative with your questions and try not to bore anyone!

One key thing to remember is this - if you think you shouldn’t ask a question then it is probably best you don’t!!

Topics to Talk about and Those to Forget!

Just as with questions, there are some topics that are excellent to discuss and those that should be avoided. When you have established a friendship with your online date you will have a better idea of which topics to avoid but for now, here are a few ideas for you to talk (or not) about! Let’s start with the safe bets.

  1. Their/ your day - This sort of topic is open-ended, interesting, and easy to talk about. It is also something they are likely to bring up with you. Don’t ask your online date “How was your day?”, that is a bit boring. Ask them “What is one thing that made you smile today?”Be creative! You could talk about your work and ask them for advice, this may help them ease into the conversation. Just make sure this topic does not become one-sided! 
  2. Upcoming plans - no, we don’t mean marriage or children. Talk about what you/ they are up to at the weekend. Discuss your plans, maybe you will be doing something similar. You could make plans to talk more at length at the weekend. The ultimate goal here is to get to the stage where you discuss making plans together. 
  3. Memories/ funny stories from your past/ youth - Your online date will want to know about your past but will not want to appear to be prying. If the conversation lends itself then talk about funny stories (not rude) from your childhood. This will make your date laugh, ask questions, and possibly share their own stories. 
  4. Something random - Talk about the new film you want to see or the new Thai restaurant you hope to go to. Sometimes the more ‘normal’ the conversation feels the more comfortable both parties are. Just be careful with which random topics you choose. Don’t discuss the weather, politics, or religion (not yet). These are either boring or potentially divisive topics that could cause your prospective date to leave.
  5. Hopefully, you will have read their profile and understand a little bit about them. If they have mentioned their hobbies and interests you can discuss those. If they are similar to your own, even better! You can have a conversation about something you both know about and are passionate about.


  1. X - Don’t be rude - rude comments and jokes will not make your potential date feel romantic, in fact, they will do the opposite. If you are rude your online date will more than likely disconnect and leave you on your own.
  2. X- Being direct - if you are too direct you could push your online date away. If you discuss topics such as politics (so, who did you vote for?), religion (what is your take on the Christian view that God created all things?), or other potentially sensitive, direct topics you could make your online date feel uncomfortable. Never forget, if they feel uncomfortable it's very easy to disconnect!
  3. X - Keep it interesting - if you bore your online date they will surely disconnect. If you ask lots of yes or no questions the conversation will soon dry up! Your online date will only feel the spark if you both keep the conversation flowing and interesting!
  4. X - Asking questions such as “What did you do today?” will bore your date and demonstrate a lack of interest/ creativity. Switch it up a bit and ask things such as “What made you smile today?” or “What can I do to make your day better?”. These are far more likely to get you a response!

After a while of chatting with your online date, you will learn what makes them tick, which topics are safe ground, and which to avoid at all costs! In the beginning, it is important to tread carefully with which topics to discuss. If you are unsure about bringing up a topic either don’t or ask first. 

Safety, for You Both, Always Comes First!

     Your safety in the online world is just as important as in the real world. You may be asking yourself how on earth your safety is at risk when the other person is not even in the same room as you. Unfortunately, there are many ways someone can put your safety at risk while using an online chat room. Before we delve into the potential risks and how to avoid them we must make one thing clear. Here at Chat and Match, we pride ourselves on ensuring that all of our users are kept extremely selves. Starting with our signing-up process and stretching all the way through to each chat room we have measures in place to keep you safe. Our team is available to help you with any issue you may have. So, here are some things to consider when using our dating chat rooms.

  • Financial information - you should never give anyone your financial information (account numbers, etc) online. There are some people out there who would use dating chat rooms as a way of making money. They use charm and romance to make someone feel safe and secure and then feed them a sob story regarding money. If your online date asks you for money you have a few choices 1. Take the risk and give them the money. 2. Question their intentions and make a decision from there. 3. Shut it down immediately and say no. If you choose the latter and they walk away then you know you were right!
  • Sexual behavior - unfortunately, the inappropriate use of people's photographs and videos is becoming more and more of an issue. People use them to gain the upper hand and blackmail the other person. If you find your date is asking you to send photos of a sexual nature, especially early on, then you need to be extremely cautious and question (whether out loud or not) their intentions. We would recommend that if you ever decide to send photos of this nature to a date it needs to be when you are in a relationship that has a strong foundation of trust. Even then this is a massive risk, especially if things end up going wrong in your relationship. 
  • Meeting offline - this is what our dating chat rooms are created for. The ultimate goal is for you and your online date to meet offline and continue on your romantic journey in the real world. However, you must make sure you are completely sure you are ready. It is also advised that you meet during the day, in a busy(ish) environment and you both take chaperones. If you realize that your date is against any of these then you may want to consider whether this is appropriate. If your online date is serious about a potential future with you they will want to approach meeting offline in the same way!

As with anything in life, you should give our online dating rooms lots of thought and always consider the other person while also making sure you are safe! Make sure you are respectful and polite and keep it interesting in our online dating chat rooms. You must also make sure that the other person is the same! Good luck on your dating adventure and we look forward to hearing your success story!